A Frame of Reference

Well, I’ve made the commitment to blog every day. I’m not sure if I’ll quite live up to that, but it ought to be a lot more regular than merely days when I’m working (which is my Myspace blog). Counter-intuitively, this blog will be the one which deals with me as a person, my happenings, any epiphanies I may have, and similar things rather than the one on the page which is supposed to describe me. Sure, random news and political diatribes are just as defining as speaking at length about the details of my social life (and possibly romantic life), but not in the same way. Given that this will be the first entry in this blog, it’s not a bad idea to go through what’s happening in my life at the moment. It’s not as if I’m likely to forget, but dates and events don’t always line up the way you think they do in a few years time, or even a few months time.

I’ll endeavor not to call people out by name (note: just realized that I’m going out of my way and sounding awkward just to avoid splitting an infinitive, which is not technically grammatically improper in English. Perhaps I should stop making fun of Dan for it), other than whose whom I know I will never offend or say bad things about. That pretty much narrows the list to two (my brother and his wife), given that their children are not old enough to read, nor do I think they’d have any interest in reading my blog at this moment in their lives. Perhaps later, but I hope they live closer then, so they don’t get to know me by reading my blog online. It’s not as if I bitch about my friends constantly, or even with any kind of regularity, but there are times with anybody where they get on your nerves (note: S has not done this, nor has K), or you just need to vent. I’m fairly sure that anybody reading this will already know who it is I’m talking about by inference should it come to that, but I’d rather not do it so obviously. It’s rather tacky. I’ve successfully avoided naming names before, even in very long diatribes, so I’ll aim for that here.

Going through my social circle is fruitless. In many ways, it’s very static. It’s kind of like a high-school reunion every time I see them, though there are a number of post-education additions. Still, the principals of the group haven’t changed in quite a while, and I doubt if they’re going to. Yes, I have a solitary sibling, and he’s my identical twin. Does it feel like I have a brother? I’m not entirely sure. He’s more like my best friend, except he’s been around my entire life. The only person who hears everything. Judging by the sibling dynamic I’ve seen in other families, I’m not at all sure that it’s in the same vein. Twins are something on their own (not that I’ve observed many other twins either). We’ve all found a companionship in each other. A familial bond, and we’ve been there for some of the worst times in each other’s lives. Sure, some event may be so galling that it temporarily (or permanently) expels one of us, but we all know each other quite well at this point, so we have similar moral values and ethics. Yes, there are some things which I think are quite appalling which they don’t agree upon (mostly to do with children and what priority they ought to have in people’s lives), but that’s likely due to living with young children for an extended period of time. It’s something which you just have no perspective on until you live it, and I’d hope that theirs will change similarly should the time come that they become fathers or what have you. Then again, some of us can be very obtuse at times.

So how do I clarify where my life stands right now? I’m not concerned with my employment status as such, since figuring out when you worked which job is very easy given the date. I’ve already noted that I have a fairly static group of friends. My relationship status is in flux, to say the least. An ever-changing menagerie of women, some appealing, some not. There’s nothing I can do to lock that down at the moment, though the description given may well be enough. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve been single for an extended period of time, and it’s kind of refreshing. It’s also true that I love meeting new people, so the dating ritual really suits me. I am, at the moment, a self-described socialist. That may date this, given time, but my political views have changed so gradually over the years that I can’t say what I believed in at any one point. I do recall being a bit of a fascist in high-school, but I can’t imagine why. My Myspace blogs will detail the reasons for my beliefs should I ever be curious, but I really don’t foresee this changing at any point.

My personal philosophy on life is perhaps somewhere between hedonism and nihilism. I have no idea how to describe that particular aspect of me. I don’t really think about it, so it’s hard for me to assign myself to some group which mandates conviction in your beliefs (as both hedonism and nihilism would seem to be). I’m rather apathetic to the whole thing. That’s not entirely true either. There are some things you just can’t change, so why worry about them? I cannot change the actions of others, nor will I ever be able to. I can’t say that I’m always happy about it, but I never let things get to me. Everything rolls off my back, so to speak. The only thing which has affected me in years was the sudden engagement, and the equally sudden end of it.

I read through people’s blogs fairly often if I don’t know them well, and I’d like to. It’s strange how you can see a metamorphosis through time as you go back further. You can watch their though process as they go through trying times, and be privy to the formative events of their life. It’s the kind of thing I’d hope people would be able to get going through what this blog will ideally be, and perhaps that kind of resource even to me. I’ve heard from a lot of people that I changed in the time when I was living in Georgia. I had a very difficult time believing that. People don’t often change. They grow up, maybe, but the core qualities of your persona and the tenets which you live your life by don’t often change after a certain age. I realize now that those people were right, but it took a major event in the life of one of my friends for it to be obvious to me. It’s likely to be the next subject which I write about anyway.

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